I'm sad to say that today's is going to be my final blog entry with Boys and Schools.  No worries, the blog will still be here, and you'll still be able to find the news, insight, and discussion that we are so happy to bring you. We have a great team that will be taking over the blog, forum, newsletter, and the rest of the Boys and Schools program.  This is, however, my last day as Director of Boys and Schools, and so I must bid you a fond farewell.  My boys have interrupted the battle between Ironman and Obi-Wan long enough to send their best wishes as well.

I think that one of the things that I will miss most is the time I've spent talking to parents about their concerns for their own sons--as the mother of two young boys, this always touches my own concerns and hopes.  So, as I move on, I'd just like to say a few things to the parents out there worried about their boys and what's going on in their schools:

1.) Stay involved.  Not just in what your son is doing in his own studies, but what is going on in the school and community as well.  Working for widespread, national change through groups like Boys and Schools is one of the best ways to ensure real, permanent change.

2.) Trust your gut.  You know your son better than anyone else.  Don't let yourself get pushed into a plan, program, or diagnosis that makes you uncomfortable--if you have doubts, look at other schools, programs, doctors.  Get a second opinion if the situation calls for one.

3.) Speak up.  Pretty self-explanatory, but there's a lot at stake here.  Let teachers, principals, other parents, politicians, and so on know what's on your mind, what change is needed, and how we can get there.

So there we are.  Thank you for reading me this last couple of years.  I hope that you continue to enjoy our blog, as I'm sure I will.

Cheers,

Malia

Happy Halloween everyone!

Faithful readers may recall that I temporarily lost all reason and decided to make a costume for my 4-year-old son, who wanted to be a Jedi for Halloween.  My house is now littered with loose threads and tiny scraps of fabric, but my battle against the forces of cotton-linen blends has been won.  Unfortunately, now his brother wants a Jedi costume too.  I really should have seen that one coming.  Actually, my biggest mistake was letting them pick out lightsabers before I was done my other shopping.  Every time we paused to look at cereal, get milk, etc., the two of them jumped up to enact an epic lightsaber battle in the middle of the store aisle.  Youngest son is going to be Ironman tonight, so we're totally covered on the superhero front around here.  (Their sister is going to be a lamb.  That's what you get when you haven't yet learned to talk.)

So, since it's Halloween, how about some weird-ish news?  The Guardian reports that a recent study suggests that light drinking during pregnancy may be good for baby boys.  No, really:

Boys born to mothers who drank lightly were 40% less likely to have conduct problems and 30% less likely to be hyperactive, even when the differences between social and economic circumstances were taken into account. They also scored more highly in vocabulary tests and were better able to identify shapes, colours, letters and numbers.

There were similar results for girls, but family background played too big a part in the possible explanation for the results.  And it was a large study--more than 12,000 children were involved.  Needless to say, the researchers involved are reluctant to attribute the findings directly to the consumption of alcohol, pointing out that it may have something to do with social conditions.  And others point out that this still leaves big questions about long-term consequences of drinking during pregnancy. 

(Obvious disclaimer--this is about light consumption--everyone agrees that heavy consumption is very, very bad.  Also, no one who is pregnant should make any drinking decisions whatsoever based on the news in this blog.  Though I've found that a little light alcohol consumption in the evenings can do wonders for one's ability to cope with three-year-old boys. . . . Just kidding . . . Please don't call CPS on me.  I never touch the stuff . . . .  Except on days that end with "Y."  . . .  Wait, that was a joke too . . . Oh no, was that the doorbell?)

So, in summary: there seems to be some kind of connection between mothers who drink lightly in pregnancy and boys with lower incidences of behavior problems and higher test scores.  But researchers are reluctant to attribute this directly to the effects of alcohol, because no one wants to encourage pregnant women to drink.  (Having been a pregnant woman relatively recently, I can attest that there is a depressingly long list of things that people don't want you to do.)  And since it's ethically impossible to do anything more than chart these correlations, take it as an interesting factoid and listen to what your obstetrician says.  But if you already have a young boy, and you drank lightly during pregnancy, feel free to point out the results of the study to your mother-in-law and anyone else who hassled you about it.

There is a tendency to hyperbole in . . . well, just about every human endeavor, and advocacy and education are especially vulnerable to it.  Most of the time, we spot it for the rhetorical device that it is and move on.  Sometimes, however, it leads to all kinds of confusion and misunderstanding.  And possibly bad policy, if left unchecked.  And gender issues are a good place to see this problem in action.

When I say to a group of parents, "boys and girls are different," you can almost feel the unspoken, "duh," that greets my less-than-insightful comment.  But make that statement in a policy or advocacy context, and it gets inflated with all sorts of baggage.  ("Are you saying that boys are better? That girls are?  That there are no way in which they are the same?  Because that's wrong, you know." ) Of course it is.  That statement suggests none of these things--it's a simple statement being interpreted out of all reason.

And the same goes when you observe the boys and girls tend to learn differently--or heck, when you observe any difference between boys and girls that isn't strictly anatomical.  So it doesn't matter how accurately you point out that, "boys tend to learn differently from girls," or, "most boys prefer action-oriented fiction," someone will pop up to claim that you are being sexist or that you are wrong because they can think of some exceptions to your general point.  Even though it contradicts nothing.  Of course there are exceptions.  That's why you say, "tend," and "most," and, "in general."  But the fact that there are exceptions doesn't negate the value of the general observation. 

What brings this to mind today are the comments on brain research and its promise to change education in today's Washington Post, specifically, this quote:

One of the major problems we face is that there are a whole lot of things that claim to be 'brain-based education' that are nonsense," he said. "One of them is the belief that boys and girls have totally different brains and learn totally differently. That's not what the evidence shows. Not at all.

Hmmm.  Interesting.  I'm not aware of any reputable source anywhere that his made this claim.  Talk about your straw men.  What I have read and heard is that there are some differences between male and female brains and that boys and girls tend to learn certain things (more effectively) in different ways.  Not remotely the same thing at all, and certainly supported by scientific evidence.  Hyperbole strikes again.

Recently, a guest posted a question to the comments section of the blog, and I think it's worthy of addressing on its own.  The poster wrote:

'The Trouble With Boys.' This topic has played a role in my son's entire academic life and demonstrative introverted personality continuance forever. He is a great kid, but I've been trying to 'read him' for almost sixteen years now. He has always been quiet and non-expressive of feelings. As time has progressed, he has seemed to 'deteriorate' with his interests in learning in school. He is very mechanical and athletically inclined, but his stubborness to apply himself has led me to question everything from his teachers to his 'way of learning', to even considering dyslexia or just categorizing his majority lack of effort in school as a lack of personal maturity. Any Ideas?

It's almost an eternal question: Why won't my smart son apply himself?  The problem is that, without more information, it's impossible to diagnose the problem and prescribe possible solutions.  Still, there are some constants, so if you're a parent facing this kind of difficulty, here are some things to consider:

1. If your son's troubles represent a change in personality; if he is having problems with a lack of focus, dropping grades, or withdrawing from friends or family; if he has been especially irritable or abnormally sensitive--then you may want to see a specialist about an emotional disorder (like depression).  It's possible for boys who are suffering from depression to be misdiagnosed as having a behavioral problem, as they can manifest similarly.

2. If this is not a case of a possible emotional, behavioral, or learning disorder--but rather a more prosaic lack of motivation at school, then it may be time to look more carefully into what's going on at school.  (A quick hint on motivation versus disorder.  If your son is able to focus and concentrate for significant amounts of time on things that he enjoys or is interested in, and only has problems with certain subjects, you're probably looking at a motivation problem.)

3.  It's common for boys to have more difficulties in language based classes, as they can be uncomfortable with the learning techniques involved, feel frustrated or impatience, or feel like the teacher doesn't "get" them.  Try talking to his teachers about the problem.  Use your knowledge of your child to suggest solutions and approaches.  (E.g. grammar puzzles to help with writing, book subjects and genres he enjoys to help his reading, etc.)

4. Consider other community resources.  Look into local mentoring opportunities--especially ones that include men.  If he has a specific interest, see about how involvement in an extracurricular activity can be used to enrich his school experience (again, work with his teachers) or be used as a reward for academic effort.

5. Set clear expectations and boundaries.

6. Sometimes, you may want to look into what other schooling options you might have.  (If his school seems like an irretrievably bad match.)  Consider looking into charter schools, single-sex schools, other schools in the area, etc.  Different students will blossom under different learning methods, so don't consider this an indictment of his current school--he may just need a different approach or environment.

I may have temporarily lost my mind, because I'm sewing a jedi constume for the 4 year-old this year.  You may recall that we have been witness to an ongoing and epic jedi battle for the last week or so, that has ranged all over the house.  It's a little hard to keep up with from a parent's perspective, as the identity of the bad guy seems to change arbitrarily and there are frequent interruptions by Spiderman, Ironman and Optimus Prime.  Anyway, the whole thing has reminded me of some of the things that I love about watching boys at play.

Today, what really gets me are the sound effects.  I realize that I'm generalizing here, but if there was a national assessment for sound effect capabilities, I think we would see the birth of a movement to create specialized sound effect enrichment  programs for girls to help them close the gender gap.  In the last ten minutes alone, I've heard lasers, lightsabers, a train, a jet plane taking off, a robot, and the sound that is made when a robot transforms into a car (it's a sort of a clanking mixed with a revving engine).  To the outsider, or the exhausted mom wishing for just a few minutes of relative quiet, it seems like nothing but noise and action, but if you think about it, you're really seeing imagination and creativity at work--both things that you can harness to help boys learn.  That's why I tend to choose books that allow me to add sound effects when I read aloud with our boys.  For one thing, this means that I'm generally picking books with a lot of action, which is a genre which is more interesting to them.  In addition, adding the drama of sound effects to the story goes a long way towards getting them interested in it.  Add to that the fun of letting them help and add their own sounds, and you've got an interactive reading experience.  They probably won't even realize that they're learning.

This past weekend, I attended the annual conference of the National Association for Single-Sex Public Education.  (As you may have guessed, they promote the advantages of single-sex programs and seek to expand their reach and exposure.)  It was a great Conference and very informative.  Some highlights:

The always delightful Dr. Abigail James spoke about strategies and methods for teaching both boys and girls.  Dr. James has great energy and plenty of tales from the classroom, as she is still an active teacher.  She had some great suggestions for different ways to help boys learn writing (one of the larger gender gaps where girls far outscore boys), and I especially liked the suggestion to create grammar "puzzles" by cutting up the individual words in a sentence (or sentences in a paragraph) for boys to put back together in order to learn paragraph or sentence structure. (Hint: don't use capitals or punctuation for individual sentence puzzles, and for paragraphs, make each full sentence one full line so that you don't accidentally create a physical puzzle instead of a grammatical one.)

Another particularly interesting presentation was from Dr. Roy Baumeister, Professor of Psychology and Director of Social Psychology at Florida State University.  Dr. Baumeister was speaking in favor of the sadly controversial notion that men and women are different, though equal.  He hit on a lot of issues relating to trends and preferences between men and women, but the one that really struck me was when he dipped a toe into the waters of evolutionary biology.  He pointed out that, of all the people who have ever lived, only about 30% of men have a living ancestor today (compared to something like 60-70% of women).  His point was that if there is anything at all to evolutionary theory, than the characteristics that made up that successful 30% are going to be very different than the successful majority of women--which may explain the competitive and risk-taking inclinations of men.  There was a quite a bit more to that talk, and I don't want to oversimplify it (too late), but I've been pestering everyone I know with the 30% figure ever since.  (Also, did you know that most everyone alive in Mongolia today can trace some ancestry to Genghis Khan?  That guy really got around.)

Myself, I was at the conference to speak about boys and depression.  As I've said before, boys' depression manages to combine all the complexity of men's depression (the stigma, the unwilingness to admit a problem or seek help, etc.) with the complexity of children's and adolescent depression (the difficulty in determining the depth of the problem, the possibility that the child or teen doesn't recognize their own feelings of sadness, the acting-out behaviors, and so on).  Given that this conference was attended by a large number of teachers, we agreed that it was especially important to stress how boys' depression often manifests itself through acting-out behaviors that can be mistaken for ADHD or other behavioral problems.  Depression causes a lack of concentration, which can result in falling grades, combine this with behavioral troubles coming from the fact that depression often manifests as extreme sensitivity and irritability in youngsters, and you can see how those around a depressed boy may come to exactly the wrong conclusion about what's troubling him.  (Which is why caregivers and teachers need to be aware that in cases where ADHD is suspected, it is important to screen for depression as well--and that one should go to a qualified specialist for such an assessment.) 

At any rate, I'm very grateful to NASSPE for inviting me to speak at the conference, and I hope that their other attendees found it as interesting and helpful as I did.

As I write this, two very young jedi knights are doing battle in my living room.  It has been an epic battle, wandering from the kitchen to the upstairs bedroom, and now finally to the couch--and it has ranged over several days, with breaks only to eat, sleep, and watch "The Backyardigans."  It is also complex, as one of the jedi in question occasionally turns bad and becomes a Sith Lord with a double-sided lightsaber.  Which is negated somewhat by the fact that the other jedi occasionally transforms into Optimus Prime.  (Alas, Optimus Prime has a tendency to whine about fair sword distribution and a lack of orange juice.  But on the bright side, at least he doesn't accidentally spray saliva at you as part of his double-lightsaber sound effect.)

There is a fair amount of jumping off of things, running, sword-slashing, tackling, and wrestling going on, in a way that most other parents of boys would ruefully recognize.  (I once had a good friend with two young boys of her own tell me, in awed tones, about a trip to a friend's house, where the daughters of the house sat and colored while speaking in conversational tones the whole time.)  When you have active boys, it's tough not to feel a little on-trial when your sons are re-enacting galactic battles while the girls in the group hold an intelligent and civilized discussion about books they enjoy.  So when my two jedis are creating havoc, I resort to my boy-havoc mantra: "This is good for them.  This is good for them.  Ommmmmm."

It is good for them, by the way.  Some studies have even suggested that there is a learning element involved in boys' rough and tumble play--a socialization factor that helps boys understand how to interact well in male groups.  It's certainly true enough that, speaking to men about male relationships and confrontation, that there's a more intricate set of rules governing that interaction than may appear to the untutored eye.  So, while there are time and place issues, of course, don't worry about your boys' tendency to embrace rough and tumble play.  Think of it as a complicated learning process.

Oh, and because it has to be said: Han shot first.

This weekend, I'll be at the annual conference for the National Association for Single-Sex Public Education, speaking about depression and boys. Boys' depression is a complicated issue, as it combines the difficulties of dealing with child or adolescent depression (the acting out, behavioral shifts and difficulties, etc.) with the difficulties of dealing with men's depression (the social stigma, perceptions that to seek help would be "unmanly", and so on). For anyone who is interested in learning more about men's depression, I highly recommend visiting the Men Get Depression website for more information. (Not to mention the resources available on the Men's Health Network site as well.)

To be honest, it has been hard not to get caught up in the emotion of the subject while I've been researching it. I've read heartbreaking story after story--all of which are being told with the hope that the listener takes the message the need to recognize problems before they become severe--this can be especially difficult in boys and men who tend to express such problems through anger or risky behavior (such as alcoholism or drug abuse--which can sometimes be symptoms of a mental illness). For more on men and depression, here's a snippet of the Men Get Depression video:

I don't want to give the impression that I'm not aware of the myriad problems in using the BMI as an indicator of health, much less among children.  Heck, I checked out one of the BMI charts that is supposed to be specially calibrated for children, and found that my abnormally tall and lanky beanpole of a 4 year-old was overweight by their calculations.  This is someone who has knobby knees and such a paucity of baby chub that I worry that people think he's malnourished.  Thankfully, our pediatrician uses a different kind of weight/height calculation, so I haven't had to endure the irritation of being told that I need to watch his weight.  I can think of few things more upsetting as the mom of an active (and ravenous) boy than to be told that your son needs to be put on a diet.  But, at the same time, I have to recognize that obesity is a real problem for many boys, and that learning about good nutrition and fitness is a valuable thing.  Even if I'm not crazy about using the BMI as the measurement for it.  I will at least admit that one of the things that we certainly lack is a good way to measure such things objectively--probably because of the diversity of body types, not to mention that body type and mass don't necessarily correlate to health or athleticism.  But I do have a point here other than damning the BMI with faint praise.

However, accepting for the moment that the BMI is a flawed, but still useful, measure, there is some interesting news from Arkansas, where a controversial law had mandated BMI screenings for children in public schools.  Taking off my libertarian beanie for a moment (which I only occasionally wear, and which certainly won't be helpful to this conversation), since the advisability of such a measure isn't in question here, it was interesting that a recent study found that (perhaps contrary to expectations), the mandatory screening did not seem to result in any weight-based teasing.  So that's good anyway.

Ok, I have to admit, I'm having a lot of trouble getting on board with the mandatory screenings, even given the fact that Arkansas has a higher than average level of juvenile obesity.  I'm glad that it hasn't resulted in more teasing--that's certainly encouraging.  But I can't help but wonder about the long-term effects of public measuring of student's BMI in relation to self-esteem, body image, healthy attitudes about food and weight, etc.  (Boys get eating disorders too, you know.)  And then there's the questionable merit of the BMI in general.  I don't know.  Obesity is a serious problem, but I know I wouldn't be happy to hear that my son or daughter was going to have to participate in BMI measuring in school.  Anyone out there familiar with this program want to weigh in?

Ok, I'm going to try to choose my words carefully here, as it's pretty easy to get carried away and misrepresent yourself on these kinds of things.  But I'm charging forward because I think it needs to be said.  What is going on about the way we view boys and "aggression?"  I just read about a study in Cambridge that found that "delinquent" boys exposed to a stressful situation designed to raise their levels of agression did not have a corresponding rise in cortisol levels (a hormone produced in times of stress that is thought to help control temper or violent impulses).

So here's my problem.  I don't have any issue with the researchers, and I won't try to deny the science--though I would assume that this is one of those things that needs more research before any grand conclusions can be made.  My problem is that it feels like we continue to march ever onward into medicalizing boys' behavior, and "aggression" is too often the key.  Granted, here we're talking about delinquent youths, but whatever happened to personal responsibility and teaching boys to channel aggression and frustration into more productive ends?  What happened to, "there's no such thing as a bad boy?"  Sometimes it feels like the label of, "aggression" will be used to justify any intrusion or over-generalization about boys, while ignoring the natural basis for aggressive impulse (and even it's biological benefits).  Heaven preserve us from a future where any and all aggression becomes some kind of social solecism. 

(Necessary, though obvious disclaimer: clearly, this does not excuse bad behavior or harm to others.  I'm talking about impulses that can be turned to good purpose, not excusing bad behavior.)